I’ve been there, clutched in the grip of anxiety at night. Stuck in the in between of knowing there needs to be a progression of your path, an evolution, a step you need to take.
But you don’t know what to do. Either the options are not clear or there is no clear right option. The stakes seem high, the risk great… it feels paralyzing. You spend your time going over the options, analyzing the pro’s and cons, going over logistics and worst case scenarios, your brain races with “what if” questions you can’t answer… the clarity you desire still eludes you.
When you research decision making methods, you come up with mostly glorified pros/cons lists, and methods that do not hold the complexity of the decisions we are often faced with. As a therapist and coach who supports people in making major life changing decisions and transitions it was important to me to find decision making frameworks that…
- Were embodied
- That honored emotions
- That honed intuition
- That applied to complex life decisions
However….I couldn’t find any. I found tips, and tricks, and a whole host of information I thought was terrible advice, way oversimplified, or relied way to heavily on very “logical” frameworks – which do not take into account how humans actually work and what they need to thrive.
So I created my own. I synthesized my entire process of coaching people through very difficult decisions into a framework that can be used for simple and complex decisions.
- finally move from analysis paralysis to action
- Feel confident about your decisions
- Have a framework and process for small and complex life decisions
- approach decisions in an integrated, healthy and embodied way
- identify the options, keeping in mind that waiting is an option. You also do not need to know all the details for all the options. (For example – leaving your job may be an option you need to consider, even though you may have no idea what would come next.)
- Go through the phases giving yourself plenty of time to process and digest what comes up. Journal or take notes.
- Intuition: Put aside your logic and verbal processes and drop into your body. Think about each option or path and notice how your body reacts. Do not place judgements on these sensations, just notice them. If there is anxiety, go deeper and look at what is underneath. Ultimately we want to get in touch with a type of “knowing” about what you need, not necessarily a “good vibes only feeling.”
- Honoring Emotions: Name and Identify the emotions that come up around each choice. You do not need to place judgment or rationalization on any emotion. Just notice which ones are present. Give yourself space and permission to feel whatever comes up around each option. Assess if there are any particular emotions that need to be worked through (grief, anger, fear..etc.)
- Values: We become paralyzed when making decisions when we assume that the “wrong” decision will lead to catastrophe. So we base our decision around avoidance. Each path will yield hardships and positives, which means we can try to make a decision based off what we want more of. Consider what you are trying to cultivate in your life. What aligns most with our values, character, aspirations, and fulfillment.
- Analysis: This is the space for Pro/cons lists, logistical considerations, and information sorting. This is where a lot of our typical decision making processes focus. Consider real limitations, capacity considerations, and risk/benefit analysis.
- Accepting Uncertainty: Part of moving past this anxiety is accepting that it is rarely ever a clear right/wrong decision with a predictable outcome. There are many outcomes, decisions, information and events that you cannot foresee. Life is an EMERGENT PROCESS. When we allow for, and lean into the fertile ground of uncertainty and the emergent process, decision making can feel less high stakes. Ultimately we want to move from an OUTCOME ATTACHED perspective to a PROCESS ORIENTED (outcome driven) one.
